The Legendary Ft. Worth Cardinals

O.K....I wasn't going to tell this, but the OU and OSU frenzy is pushing me over the edge again, so here it is....

When Paula and I were newlyweds, at the Wilshire C of C., we tried to fit into the young married crowd, but had a hard time. I was 28 and Paula was 20 (a mere child). I was too old for that newlywed crowd, and Paula was too young. Also, we didn't have any children...we only had a cat. When the couples went on and on about their babies, we could only talk about our cat (what my son Jeff is going through with his new bride, Candita, except that they have two little miniature Schnauzers and some chickens...yes, you heard me...chickens). Anyway, we tried to fit in. I quickly found, however, that when we went to church parties, the guys would cluster around a television set and become downright rabid over whatever sport was the flavor of the day and the women would run off to the kitchen and talk about babies, labor pains, breast feeding and stinky diapers. I grew up never seeing a sporting event until I went to college, since I had to work and help 'bring home the bacon', so, I never developed any particular frenzy over any sport. I was, therefore, not comfortable with EITHER group of people at the parties, but I did want to fit in and have friends.

To fit in and feel halfway normal with all the talk you hear when you turn on a radio or t.v. when a sporting event is being broadcast, you've got to understand the lingo: "Yeah, our offense was better than their defense and that offside kick got us 2 for 4, with only 16 interceptions before the time-out at the middle of the 1st quarter of the 3rd quadrant"...and the like. Oh, and not to forget the inevitable endless, repetitive interviews, with some guy with a sub-moronic monotone, staring glassy-eyed into the twilight zone and telling the interviewer: "Yeah, and we want to win...and stuff....and..you know....yeah, man...it's cool...you know? Yeah, man, we gon' doo it....and stuff." ...and a thousand other really, deeply intelligent comments....that make you want to scramble for a paper and pencil, so you can record those immortal words for posterity.

Nonetheless, I still wanted to fit in, so, in desperation, I decided that if you can't whip 'em, join 'em. I did the only thing I could do...I INVENTED MY OWN SPORTS TEAM!! I called it the Fort Worth Cardinals. I made up names of the team owners, the general manager, the coaches, and all the players. I made up (on the spot), all the team stats, and when the conversation about sports started up, I would join in with: 'Hey, how about them Cardinals?!! Did you guys catch that game last night?' No matter what sport their team played last night, the Cardinals also played and won by a bigger point spread. I casually, and boastfully threw out the names of players, coaches, managers and owners -- with whom I enjoyed long friendships. I bragged about dinners and parties we attended together, trips that Paula and I went on with these guys and their wives and girlfriends.

Not satisfied with my 'instant acceptance' into the world of sportsminded young married friends, I went a step further. I had a ballcap and t-shirt made up with FWC (Fort Worth Cardinals) emblazoned on the front, with my name on the back! I stuck a can of Skoal into my back jeans pocket, and tried to walk with the 'sports-guy swagger', whose team was smokin' everybody's chili every night of the week!!!

My greatest thrill, after introducing the Fort Worth Cardinals to my friends at the Wilshire church, was in having people like Ray Vaughn and Larry Olsen come up to me and ask me how the Cardinals were doing! I would flip on my 'sports guy' persona and start saying: "Hey, man...we're gonna win...and stuff!!...know what I mean?....yeah, man!!....we're gon doo it!"

It's now been 36 years and I still occasionally get a 'hit' on the illustrious 'Fort Worth Cardinals' by one of my die-hard sports friends from the '70's. My friends saw through the ruse, of course, but I got an 'A' for effort, and although they no doubt thought I was a brick short of a load at the time, I eventually was accepted into the 'sports club' here in Edmond. Whenever you run into Ray Vaughn or Larry Olsen, Bob or Larry Forrester, ask them about the 'Cardinals...Shoemake's very own, Fort Worth Cardinals!