My 'break-up' with Norwich Pharmaceuticals

I was a gawky kid. Skinny and buck teeth that stuck out so far I should have been required to put red flags on the ends of them so people could see me coming and not get impaled on them! Socially I was ill-at-ease, due to my looks. On the outside, I was sort of a misfit. On the inside, however, I lived a rich, fulfilled life. By
5th grade I had read every book in the elementary school library in Houston, Texas. I read voraciously (still do!), and loved to learn. I did not, however, care for learning 'classroom style'. On the outside, I probably appeared to be a little socially challenged, while on the inside, life was good! I was a quiet kid, preferring solitude to being with 'the crowd.'

When I was 15, in 1959, and had just started the 10th grade, I was asked, by one of the deacons at the La Marque church of Christ, to 'wait on the table', and was further asked to offer prayers for the bread, the fruit of the vine and then, later, before the offering. I practiced all week long, trying to 'get it together' for the big event.

When it was time to assemble before the congregation, I looked out at the crowd and, at the moment when it was time for the prayer for the bread, I 'double-clutched'---froze up!---and just stood there, for what seemed like minutes. People began raising their heads and looking at me. I stared back at them. I was dying inside, but I couldn't make a sound! Finally, at long, long last, one of the grown men standing there beside me, offered a prayer for the bread, while I stood there, red-faced with shame.

The communion service seemed to take hours, and, as I passed the plates and trays with the other kids and men who were helping, I just wanted to run out of the building. I had never before been humiliated at church. I had been humiliated plenty of times at school, but church had always been a 'sanctuary'. Now, I felt I had been 'discovered' at church -- I had been been plopped down in the 'scales of life' and had come up short!

When the communion service was over, I sneaked out of the back of the building and went to Dad's car and got in and got down in the floorboard in the back seat, and stayed there, out of sight, until church was over and my parents came to the car and we left. This was my high-water-mark of shame, and it would be years before I would lead another prayer in public.

Fast forward to 1985, 26 years later. Teeth now straightened. Married with two kids, Gena and Jeff. I had graduated from OCC and entered sales work -- insurance sales. Then sales of data communications equipment. Most of my adult life has been spent in sales of some kind. However, getting up in front of a lot of people had still always been difficult for me. Then, in 1985, a friend of mine -- Bill Thompson (he and Kathy are members at Memorial Road), asked me to be his guest at Edmond Toastmasters on a Friday morning. I went with Bill -- a little reluctantly -- since the idea of getting up in front of a group of people had always given me, shall we say, 'severe intestinal distress'....oh, what the heck, let me be blunt: raging diarrhea!

In this group setting, I saw other people trying to overcome their fear of public speaking. This setting, however, was different: instead of receiving ridicule at every slip-up, here were people who were understanding and sympathetic. I found camaraderie and wonderful support. The others in this Toastmasters group represented a wide range of speaking ability. Some were new, like I was. Some had been involved with the group for awhile and were steadily improving. Others were seasoned, competent speakers. Everyone was made to feel welcome. We were given a manual, with specific assignments made for our level of competence (or lack thereof). The assignments gradually became more challenging sequentially. One would start out with an 'Icebreaker', telling about oneself. Other elements were added over the weeks ahead, including things like: eye contact, gestures, voice modulation, voice projection, vocabulary, speech organization, the use of humor, and so many other elements to successful public speaking. I have never been in another organization more supportive of an individuals attempts at self-improvement. One is not 'judged' by comparison with others in the group...one's performance is compared, week by week, with the objectives in ones' manual for that specific assignment. Now, back to my story -- the reason for this post on my blog!

After I had visited the Toastmasters #170 group in Edmond, with Bill Thompson, I was given a manual and with it, my first assignment: My 'Icebreaker'. I agreed to give my Icebreaker the following Friday morning. I left the meeting all fired up, but, once I was back home, reading the manual, my old fears surfaced again. 'What have I gotten into?' I thought. My mind began racing as I tried to figure a graceful way of bowing out of this commitment. One well-worn excuse after another kept popping into my mind. I mentally tried on different excuses -- to see if any of them would sound solid. No luck. Finally, I resigned myself to going through with it. The fear of public speaking, they say, is greater than the fear of death itself. I believed it! My mind became like a racehorse, speeding around the track, looking for a gap in the fence that I could charge through and get away from the stress and anxiety --- the raw fear that gripped me!

Thursday night came and I found myself, in the bathroom, on the throne, for hours----as I contemplated Friday morning and the fate that awaited me at 7:00 a.m., just hours away. I heard the ticking of the clock on the wall, and the ticks started sounding like the pounding of a blacksmith's hammer on his anvil, as he finished attaching the ball and chain to my ankle, sealing my destiny, as a prisoner of fear!

It was now 3 a.m., and in the solitude of our master bathroom, once again seated on the throne of my misery while reading the label on my last bottle of Pepto Bismol, I idly read the contents of the bottle, wondering when the action of the pink liquid would begin to quell my insides. Then I read on the label that the product was made by Norwich Pharmaceuticals, and a light went off in my head! That's it, I nearly yelled out loud! THAT'S IT! I'll give my Icebreaker as a humorous speech...about my lifelong fear of public speaking and how I intent to change all of that through Toastmasters! I'm going to learn to speak in front of groups with no fear!

A few hours later, I dressed in a suit and delivered my Icebreaker. The title of my Icebreaker was: 'MY BREAK FROM NORWICH PHARMACEUTICALS' The butterflies in my stomach were not gone, but as someone else once said: "the butterflies are not gone, but now they're flying in formation!" That was my first speech in Toastmasters, but I won 'Best Speaker of the Day', and, from that point forward, speaking in public has never again been a source of unbridled fear. I was able to cut my depencence on Pepto Bismol. I was free at last!

Fear is not a bad thing...it can allow you to focus wonderfully, as it can make your brain feel like it is on fire....and you can call on mental resources you do not even know that you have. Too much fear is debilitating. Too little fear and your mental preparation may be sluggish. Preparation, as through Toastmasters, and the training it provides, can help you 'organize and control' your fear and help you say what you want to say.

The training one receives from Toastmasters can also help you improve your speech, helping you leave out all the extraneous 'you knows'...and 'uhs'....and, uh, uh, you know.....that mark the speech of many people. Did you hear Caroline Kennedy's interview recently? Someone said that in a matter of a couple of minutes, she said 'uh' and 'you know' dozens and dozens of times.

If the fear of speaking in public is something that you feel is holding you back, and if you want to change, I would suggest that you drop in sometime, here in Edmond, at Edmond Toastmasters #170, and start down a path that may change your life! It changed mine! I only remained in Toastmasters for a few years, but, in that time, I was given some great training and some great evaluations, and, once I had completed the first manual of assignments, I became a 'Competent Toastmaster.'

I am grateful to the Toastmasters International organization for a life-changing experience.